Once Upon a Time in Gamma Terra

Don't look a buried horse in the mouth
"Is that your life support beeping?? No?? Is that your life support beeping?? No?? Wait... IS THAT MY LIFE SUPPORT BEEPING?!?!?!?!?""

Flying wildly through the air, carried by the violent winds of the sandstorm, a very dizzy marshmallow zombie tries to hold on for dear life while being closely followed by a winged lolcat.

After trying to secure itself to a keelboat, a flashlight and even a purebred racing horse, Puff finally manages to grab an ancient DVD player (of the HD3D variety) and Edgardo rescues it (and the horse) and they both return to the Ancient ruins looking for cover. They instinctively try to find a place below the ground, where the winds cannot hurt them, but when they do find it, they also find there a couple of raggedy figures, one of which fails miserably at trying to attack them, even hurting himself in the attempt.

Meanwhile, the rest of the crew are sure they know how to disarm the bomb and act accordingly, only to end up actually arming the device, leaving themselves with less than a minute to make their peace with whatever God they may believe in. Each of them tries to approach the problem in their own “special” way, but in the end it is Lincoln who saves the day by accidentally pulling the wrong wire.

However, their good fortune is short as various hatches connecting the tunnels to the desert in the surface begin bursting, treating to leave them buried under a wave of sand. After a chase scene worthy of an Indiana Jones movie, the three of them actually end up escaping through a hatch connecting the tunnels with the dark basement where their comrades (and the horse, named Black Pretty) are currently speaking with the falling ragged man, who insists his human spine is broken beyond repair, even though a fall from such height would have killed anything but a robot or android, and his partner who is just as ragged as he is and who also accidentally reveals to the group they’ve been following after them for some time now.

Incidentally, they seem to have gone a full play session without killing anything. Maybe they’re growing up a little…

Not everything that's wrapped is food
"Sure, you can keep your dresses in my truUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!"

After leaving the ruins they’d found behind, our sorta-heroes venture into the middle of the vast Gamma Terran desert, were they’re suddenly enveloped by a furious sandstorm that separates Puff and Edgardo from the rest of the team.

Chili and the rest are “forced” to carry on and leave them behind, and they end up getting caught in the storm and falling through a huge sand whirlpool.

After waking up, they find themselves inside a giant Ancient catacomb, filled with metal bars stuck to the ground. Since there seems to be no other exit but to follow the strange tunnels.

After finding a strange chamber carved into the tunnels, were they fight and defeat, out of all people, the dreaded Daltron Brothers and their trusty brutorz “Glue Bucket”, they open up a chest believing it contains hidden Omega Tech, but end up arming an elaborate explosive devise.

Even worst!!!! Since Chili is using Lincoln’s internal battery to power up his laptop, they have little time before he’s out of power and drops the lid of the chest, activating the bomb’s mechanism.


Always work under the assumption that everyone is trying to kill you!!!

Unable to go on a full night without being jumped by an angry mob, PB&J is this time ambushed by a troupe of zombies obsessed with Ancient music. Thankfully, Mr. Puff managed to find it’s way back to the group in order to help them defeat the retro undead.

A little sleep-depraved but still determined to get payed, they find themselves in the middle of the ruins of an Ancient’s city. The trail seems to stop there, but after finding a sleeping Orlen which they then pummel, mangle and steal from for no apparent reason whatsoever, they’re able to get back on track, but not without being witness to a very real reminder of dangerous the group they’re after really is:

Even while injured, the three of them were more than enough match for a feral attercop.

Still, most of the group agrees that a paycheck is a paycheck and they resume their journey, unaware that two men are following very closely after them.

One of them seems to have a microwave stuck in his chest.

For real…

Don't be fooled. It is NOT a dolphin.

After discovering evidence that the Brubba Brothers/Cousins/Father & Son Duo were also following the trail of their current prey, PB and J realizes they need to stick together as close as possible. They also realize they may need more fire power than they currently own, so Mr. Puff decides this is the perfect time to embark on a quest for new members. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew just settles for hiring the identity-conflicted transformable robot Lincoln Mercury Ford and the dimwitted spiderweb-flinging monkey Marcelita to round up their crew (as well as for potential cannon fodder).

They almost immediately prove themselves to the team by helping them beat a ferocious Land Shark, securing food and fire fuel for that night. For now, the group rests, unaware of the danger that approaches into the night…

Robots need loving too!!
"Quick, put him on the table. He's getting deader by the second. CLEAR!"

After following he trail of destruction the exploding robot left, our party found the small settlement of Neck of the Woods (home of the world renowned Ape Cemetery). Though heavily guarded, our heroes were able to get a way in, as well as an audience with Mayor Antlers Lemire (though some of them were not entirely sure he actually was the Mayor).

Bargaining their stay in exchange for some gasoline and a day’s labor, they discover the town has long been under siege by the daily arrival of a malfunctioning robot. The dead and the wounded abound, and the citizens are even starting to get used to the carnage. They also discover, in a very painful manner, that the group they’ve been looking for passed through Neck of the Woods some weeks ago, promising to help them get rid of the robots, charging in advance for their services and seemingly disappearing without solving the issue.

The group decides to take over the job of stopping the robots while also following after their previous prey, as two bounties are way better than one. A day’s worth of traveling and a small skirmish with another malfunctioning bot later, and the party is now standing at the doors of an abandoned stronghold…

Abandoned automobiles should be worshiped at your own peril
"As part of our payment, we want you to kill one of your elders. The less useless he is, the better""

Some undetermined time ago, mercenary group PB&J was hired by the survivors from the town of Ocean View to apprehend and execute the trio of assholes responsible for blowing up their town.

After a day on the road following their footsteps, an encounter with a female android who ended up deformed, pants-less and most certainly emotionally scared (depending on the sophistication of her emotional software) and a deadly standoff against a duo of Brubba brothers/cousins/father & son inside an abandoned bathroom, our heroes are no closer to finding their prey, and they’ve also yet to realize they’re not the only ones that are after them…

Good employees are hard to find nowadays!!
"I think we can escape through here"

After some hard times on the road where the party was certain they would have to eat their horses, they manage to get an interview with Mr. Human who, after firing his assistant, hires them in order to search and capture a trio of rogue adventurers, offering them food aplenty in return.

One month into their quest, the party hasn’t had much luck finding them.

However, they did find a giant singing robot in the middle of the desert, which then suddenly exploded.

What can I say?? They have a short attention span…


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